handjob tips. give me some.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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