I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
