She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
