The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
