I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
