So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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