are you still at the devil's house?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
