the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
