your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
