dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
