He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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