ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
