Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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