i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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