I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
