Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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