I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
