You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
