I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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