how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
