Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
