he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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