life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
