Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
