She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
