What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
