Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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