So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
