Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
