You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
