that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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