On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Less talking, more tequila
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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