This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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