Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
