Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
