two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
