Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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