SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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