How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
