dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
there is glitter all over my balls
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
