At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
