I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
