nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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