If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
