there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
