1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
