so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
