This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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