I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
