the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He did a backflip because drugs
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
