why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
