All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
