you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
