I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
